I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
