Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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