No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
