You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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