Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
