Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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