I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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