We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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