I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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