Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
