Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
