you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
