I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Randomize
