i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
