The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
