dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
