he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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