my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
