Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
