we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
then he tried to convert me to islam
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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