Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
