drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
