I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
