But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
