Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
