so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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