i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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