Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
