hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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