you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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