Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
