dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize