Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
