I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Sorry my hands just texted you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
