Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
