So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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