You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Randomize
