I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
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