watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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