So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
