I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
