I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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