She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
