I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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