I don't usually arrange sex via text message
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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