no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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