I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
