i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
