My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
as a side note pls kill me
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
