A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
