They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He called his prostate his "boner button".
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My ass is underappreciated
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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