Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
